The Ruiner.

I am The Ruiner.

Not to be confused with The Punisher.

Anything lovely or nice. I will kill it. I hope you know that.

Thanks, Mind.
I hate you.


The way my mind works, or lack there of, is it finds the need to destroy. When a compliment is presented it must be a lie. And when a person enters my life, they must hate me and want the worst for me. I never would wish this mind on anyone. I think too much.

And on the other hand, my mind works and processes tons and tons. I get bored because things are too easy sometimes. And sometimes, I get anxious because I feel that I may never learn what is in front of me.

Also, because of my Critical Theory class I believe everything is wrong with me. I have come to realize that this is mostly a girl problem but actually its a people problem.  Please remember, you are not alone and there are people who love you and want what is best for you.

Through Kendra Cherry's "The Conscious and Unconscious Mind The Structure of the Mind according to Freud" says that there are inner forces that are directing your behavior.  
According to Freud, the mind can be divided into two main parts:

1. The conscious mind includes everything that we are aware of. This is the aspect of our mental processing that we can think and talk about rationally. A part of this includes our memory, which is not always part of consciousness but can be retrieved easily at any time and brought into our awareness. Freud called this ordinary memory the preconscious.
2. The unconscious mind is a reservoir of feelings, thoughts, urges, and memories that outside of our conscious awareness. Most of the contents of the unconscious are unacceptable or unpleasant, such as feelings of pain, anxiety, or conflict. According to Freud, the unconscious continues to influence our behavior and experience, even though we are unaware of these underlying influences. 

Btw, kids I obtained this information from this website: http://psychology.about.com/od/theoriesofpersonality/a/consciousuncon.htm

Onward. So today I started DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) which is a self-help group. It is meant to stimulate you emotionally. Or I think that's what it is meant to do. So far I know it draws from studies and articles of people who have Borderline Personality Disorder. When you finally admit to yourself that you need something, someone, anyone it is scary. 

Today was a crash course since I missed two or three lessons. This weekend I am visiting my family and for those of you who don't know, it's burdensome and demanding. This weekend I need to have a wise mind. I need to balance my emotional mind with my reasonable mind. I won't lie, my life is generally composed of grandiose decisions that materialize because of my emotional mind. I react according to emotions. I have been known to cut my hair short, get new piercings and or plan adventures that I may or may not be able to afford. Either that, or I push. And for that I am sorry.

I think the beauty of all this is I may know what it is that is controlling my life, thoughts and emotions. And that helps a lot. It lifts the weight that has been there for sometime. I'm excited to see where this takes me.

Accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself.-- Fierstein Harvey