Old Leather.

It smells of stale cigarette smoke and and that weird plastic Grandmother put on all her sofas. It feels like pain and misery topped with sorrow and hate. These memories that haunt us will never be forgotten. These mistakes may be repeated a couple times to soak up, or done intentionally out of sheer stupidity. Whichever they be, they will form you. And you will form others. It will lead on for minutes, and decades. You will live on through others. The statement, "I never want to be like my parents," is tossed around, but sadly... we all end up like them in some way. Whether we want to or not.
I am stubborn like her. I am free and mindful like him. I am driven like him, and crafty like her. I love to read a good book, like her. I believe in second chances because of him; I believe in love because of her. I fight like her. I appreciate more because I didn't have him around. Of everything they gave me, didn't give me, I am like them. I am. At times, I wanted to be someone else. Someone prettier, richer, blonder. I wanted. I wanted more than I was given. I was greedy and ungrateful. Now, I want nothing more than what I have. A family, the friends that are worth having, knowledge some would kill for, and hope. Hope that things will happen how they are meant to.
This life is meant to mold you.

It's a Good Thing, What We Call Life.

Thanksgiving. It gave me Chili. Which, was terrific, despite how much I complained about not getting Turkey. I missed my family. I missed my old home. I missed the Mickelson's. I missed being called a porker, and my Chloe. I missed sitting in front of the fire. I even missed pointless walks around Wal-Mart with Shandon. I missed it all, and then I realized... I'm growing up. Why didn't anyone tell me? Warn me? Something. It's all fading slowly. My childhood. My security of my own home. Now, I have to grow up, get an education, start this thing we call life. Why is it so rushed these days? Why can't we go 15 in a 40? You know why? Because it's freakin' illegal. It's illegal to not grow up. It's illegal to not get old, and illegal to think you can stay young forever.

So, take me to jail because this girl is going to try it. I was inspired by a movie today. Eat Pray Love. Julia realizes how unhappy she is in her marriage. The one she took the first hand in, and put her all into. She divorces said husband, then falls for the next chap that falls into her lap. Not smart. But she loved him. She then proceeds to Rome, India and ending in Bali. Throughout this she realizes that in order to be happy she must not guilt herself on what she eats, who she worships, or who she loves. Not the best movie may I say, but it was honest. I don't ever want to be scared that I will be stuck doing the same thing day in and day out. I want to know that somewhere, anywhere, there will be a bump in the road. A 'not so familiar' turn that I need to take on an unknown path. So what am I saying? Why am I rambling?

1. Do something that makes you uncomfortable. That is how you grow as a person. Maybe sing in public, loudly.

Be willing to be uncomfortable. Be comfortable being uncomfortable. It may get tough, but it's a small price to pay for living a dream. - Peter McWilliams

2.Give. Give time, love, appreciation, friendship. Give yourself to what ever makes you happy. Not whomever. This is a common misconception. You have to be happy alone before you can be happy with anyone else. Thank you Brandon. Be you. You. Be the freaking Mac without the Cheese for a while. Take up something that is hard and frustrating at times. Try rock climbing. Something that will get your heart racing. Just try life on for size. Don't be scared to climb that wall.
3. Believe in you. Self confidence is the sexiest thing ever. Be comfortable in your skin. Sleep naked if you have to. Or in a sheer nightie.
4. Lastly, just live. And don't ever let anyone tell you how to.  

He's Classy, in a Lumberjack Fashion

Not more than a month ago, I was just me.
And now I'm me, with a bit of you.
Not much may I add, but it makes me realize that I hardly know myself. So this, this one is for me. Conceited? Ya, sure! We'll go with that, and least to say, I am not ashamed. I love me. I love what I have become, and I love how strong I am in certain things. I am, however, not as strong in others. I have let people down as of late, and made new friends just to push them away. For that I am truly sorry. I get in these ruts. These Ruts that will take an astronaut to hell. I have a bit of a complex you see, one that if I have some sort of dramatic thing occur, I must counter it. Recently, I quit a high paying job that I have had for a bit over 2 1/2 years. I countered it with getting my septum pierced. And to be honest, I loved it.

But Utah hates it. Utah has grown on me. It has proclaimed itself as home to me. I know it wont be forever but I love it. This Summer will bring questions that could break or mold something I've been working on. How do you know which way to go. Stay or leave. Right or U-turn. It's all a game really. Just like those books that if you want to go one way turn to page 89, but if you choose the other please flip to page 54. And I am someone that knows without a doubt that everything happens for a reason.
So let the games, and U-turns begin. I couldn't be more unprepared, but thats the best way to live life; by giving it all, even if you're not ready. This will be the best semester. Hello Spring 2011. Bring it on.